出自 Steve Magness《Do Hard Things》。
原文
In the 1960s, developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind pioneered our understanding of parenting. Through research and observation, she discovered that parenting styles can be classified based on two factors: responsiveness and demandingness. Baumrind defined responsiveness as "the extent to which parents intentionally foster individuality, self-regulation, and self-assertion by being attuned, supportive, and acquiescent to children's special needs and demands." In other words, how well do parents respond to and meet the needs of their children? After they lose a soccer match, do you greet your child with warmth and support? Or do you go straight into criticizing their play? Demandingness, on the other hand, refers to "the claims parents make on children to become integrated into the family whole, by their maturity demands, supervision, disciplinary efforts and willingness to confront the child who disobeys." In other words, how high are the parents' expectations for their child, and how much control do they exert to regulate or influence their child? Plotting these two characteristics, Baumrind found that most parents fell into three categories that lined up with Goldilocks’s search for the perfect bed. If a parent was low in demandingness and high in responsiveness, they were too soft, a permissive parent who would let their child get away with just about anything. If a parent was high in demandingness and low in responsiveness, they were too hard, an authoritarian who relied on harsh discipline, with little attention to the child’s needs. Parents who use an authoritarian style don't trust their children to make good decisions. The parent is in charge, and the child is to obey. Authoritarian parents rely on fear, threats, and punishment to ensure that their children make good choices. A typical refrain from an authoritarian parent might be, "You need to do (this) because I said so."
译文
二十世纪六十年代，大众对子女教养的观念，主要受成长心理学家戴安娜·鲍姆林德（Diana Baumrind）的影响。通过研究与观察，她提出可以从两个维度区分不同的教养方式，一个是父母对孩子的回应度（responsiveness），另一个是父母对孩子的期望度（demandingness）。
回应度指父母对孩子个性化需求的感知与支持程度，目的是为了培养自主、自律、自信的孩子，方式是倾听、理解、迁就孩子的需求，并给予及时、到位的安慰与帮助。比如孩子输了比赛，你是先安抚情绪、鼓励支持，还是批评他们表现不好？
期望度指父母对孩子听话、懂事、守规矩的要求强度，目的是让孩子先成为大家中的小我，方式是要求他们听话、服从管教、遵守纪律，不听话的时候会正面施压。表现是父母对孩子有较高的期待，在管教和引导孩子时会用控制和约束手段。
鲍姆林德认为，把这两个维度画成坐标，大多数父母大致可以分成三类，就像床一样，可以分为太软、太硬、刚刚好。如果父母对孩子要求不高、但回应很强，那就“太软”，属于放任型，孩子几乎做什么都能放过。反过来，如果父母要求很高、却很少回应，那就“太硬”，属于专制型，主要靠严厉的约束来管教，却很少顾及孩子的需求。
专制的父母眼里，孩子做不出好的决定。父母说了算，孩子只能服从。他们靠恐惧、威胁和惩罚来确保孩子做出“正确的”选择。专制父母标志性的一句话是：“我叫你做你就做，没有为什么。”
地道表达
"attuned, supportive, and acquiescent"
原文定义“回应度”时用了三个并列形容词：
…being attuned, supportive, and acquiescent to children's special needs and demands.
- attuned — 先“听见”。attuned (to sth) 表示“对……很敏锐 / 很能体察 / 很能感知并跟上”，常用于情绪、需求、信号、环境变化等。这句话里，作为第一个形容词，是说父母得先倾听且能听懂孩子有什么需要、在表达什么情绪。这是接收端。
- supportive — 再“回应”。听见了不能没反应，在听懂的前提下，能设身处地地理解，认为孩子的需求有道理，给出支持。这是输出端。
- acquiescent — 最难的一步：让步。acquiescent意思是：默许、顺从、默认同意，虽然带一点不是很情愿的意思，但结果是退一步、让一步，迁就对方。所以，在听到、表达支持之后，如果孩子的需求跟父母的预期不一致，要调整的不是孩子，是自己。
三个词串成一条完整的行为链：察觉 → 支持 → 退让。英语用并列结构把这条链压进三个形容词里，干净利落，层层递进。
英语形容词和中文形容词，功能很不一样。
英语的形容词可以非常“重”——attuned 里面装着“敏锐、频道一致、持续注意”的意思。但如果把 attuned 直译成“敏锐察觉的”、acquiescent 直译成“默许顺从的”，中文读者读到的是一串生硬的定语，感受不到原文那种紧凑的推进感。
所以翻译成中文的时候，可以把形容词还原成副词+动作。
attuned → 倾听（你听到了，而且你懂了）
supportive → 理解、帮助（不是光嘴上说“我支持你”）
acquiescent → 顺应、迁就（把“我认为”放下）
这样的翻译，英文原文里be + 形容词所表现的父母立场和态度，就变成了中文译文里父母的行动和作为。
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